Holidays

From the Law Offices of  Pimberton and Marlowe, PC

December 26, 2006

Mr. Kris Kringle
Chairman and CEO
St. Nicholas Enterprises, LLC
The North Pole

Dear Mr. Kringle,

As a senior partner here at Pimberton and Marlowe I’m writing to you as a follow-up to our pre-Christmas correspondence and our firm’s subsequent research.

6:15 AM – The bedroom door swings open and Todd Junior launches himself onto the bed screaming, “Mom! Dad! Wake Up! IT’S CHRISTMAS!”

Dad, who was assembling and wrapping toys until twenty minutes ago, can’t open his eyes, so he groans something fortunately unintelligible.

“I told him not to come in here,” shrieks Little Suzie from the doorway, nearly hitting that elusive B-above-high-C, and sending Bernie the Schnauzer into convulsions. “I told him he had to wait until the sun came up!”

Dodge pulls into the driveway at Grandma’s House. Mom, Dad, Todd Junior and little Susie are all quivering with anticipation and full bladders as they limp up the driveway, trying to stamp a little blood flow back into legs and feet made all tingly and numb by Dad’s unwillingness to pull off the highway while so much as a pint of gas remains in the tank.

Silent night. Holy night.

Only it's not really all that silent, is it? Aren't we actually making all sorts of racket about this alleged "Silent Night" instead of enjoying the silence of it? Could this be the reason we find our world in a never-ending spiral of moral decline? Or of Jingle Bells? I start asking myself questions like these every year, the first time I walk into a Mall and hear the soulful strains of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.