Holidays - What Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

Memorial day is one of my favorite holidays, and not just because it is one of the first excuses of the new summer season to dress up in shorts, tank tops and flip flops for our ritual orgy of brats and beer in the back yard.

For one thing, it was a pretty darned fine weekend for those of us who like to look at race cars and girls in skimpy outfits. This year, it all started with the Grand Prix of Monaco on Sunday at 8:00 AM (3:00 AM if you prefer not to see your effete European superstars rocketing past the yacht club on tape delay).

Sunday is Mother's day. This is a holiday in which the men of America team up with their children to treat Mom to a sumptuous breakfast in bed, featuring chocolate chip waffles and grapefruit juice. Having no idea where Mom keeps the coffee beans, Dad and the kids run Hamster Kibbles through the coffee grinder, figuring "What the heck, how bad could it be?"

After breakfast the family watches excitedly as Mom unwraps the 21-piece non-stick skillet set they bought her from Costco, laboring under the assumption that non-stick skillets are exactly what she dreams about all day, every day, in her office at the law firm.

Of course there are the commercial Mother's Day cards, with pictures of flowers and heartfelt messages like:

Mom, you're beautiful and fragrant;
You've helped us grow from boys to men.
Without you, Dad would be a vagrant;
Oops, the cat puked in the Den.

My wife and I met on a blind date 34 years ago today. We had lunch. We strolled around Ann Arbor, swapping philosophical insights. Later in the evening I played my guitar and sang John Denver songs to her, while she convincingly pretended to enjoy them.

By the end of that date we were spouting love sonnets and declaring our mutual devotion to the heavens. We were Romeo and Juliet, only without all the poisoning and stabbing.

Our second date just happened to be on Valentine's day. It was a very good Valentine's day.

For the past few weeks my wife has been after me to get our annual Family Holiday Newsletter written. She can be kind of funny that way; she wants me to get them printed up so that she can have all the Christmas cards in the mail before Memorial Day. My problem is that the editors at my syndicate are more demanding about deadlines than she is. So for this week's column I thought I'd get real creative and kill two birds with one stone. Here is:

The 2008 Ball Enquirer

Well, 2008 has been a long and sometimes difficult year. So far we have managed to hang on through the Summer Olympics, the Presidential Election, and a global Recession sparked by the total meltdown of the American financial system. The Olympics were cool, and we are really happy with the way the elections turned out; I can hardly dare to dream what it will be like to have a Leader of the Free World who knows how to pronounce "nuclear."

On the other hand, the Recession hasn't been all that much fun. In the past two months alone our retirement fund has lost more than half  it's value – nearly $11.53!

O Holy night, The stars are brightly shining.
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.

A soft coating of pure white snow blankets the countryside. Stars twinkle in the cold winter sky. The welcome-home aroma of wood smoke drifts from my neighbor's chimney. Somewhere in the neighborhood, cookies shaped like angels are just coming out of the oven. Santa is finishing up his last couple of shifts at the Mall, and all my credit cards are toast.

Christmas is here at last!

In the spirit of the season, I thought it would be fun to take a quick look at how MasterCard's favorite holiday came to be what it is today.

First off, it is pretty certain that December 25 is not really when Christ was born. In fact, we probably don't even have the year right. The best guess of bible scholars is that he would more likely have been born on September 29, in the year 5 BC. That, or maybe sometime in March, a month which is considered holy among many people to the present day, as commemorated by the NCAA basketball tournament.