Starting Out

My son is going to get married in a little less than a month. For Nan and I this is the coolest thing ever, since we are crazy about his fiance, her parents, her brother, her friends - and her taste in guys.

As the weeks go by, all the wedding plans are proceeding more or less normally for the kids, with nervousness over all the details spiraling steadily up past anxiety and into flat-out hysteria.

All this elaborate wedding plan stuff is a little bit foreign to Nan and me. Thirty-four years ago when we got married, we had a quick service in a tiny stone church (she wore a peasant dress, and I splurged for a sport coat) followed by a really fun potluck at a friend's house. With a pool.

Yes, the groom did go swimming with all the other kids.

Not that I am complaining. Shannon and Patrick have some terrific ideas for their wedding, and whether or not everything goes exactly as they have planned it, the day will be as beautifully unique as it will be wonderful. I wish I had even the slightest chance of convincing them to just relax, that no matter how it all turns out, it will be perfect.

As we hurdle toward the great occasion, I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about how happy I am for them. But not as much for the wedding itself as for the new family that is about to be born. They have invested in a house of their own, complete with a mortgage, worn-out siding, a fifty pound box of nails, enough paint to float the Queen Mary, and a seemingly bottomless charge account at Home Depot - everything they need to make that house a home.

In other words, the kids are doing what is known as "just starting out," and I really envy them. This is one case where the story really is a lot more about the journey than about the destination.

And what a journey they have to look forward to. They will get to worry about car payments and dandelions. They will get to scrape meals together out of whatever is left in the fridge from the weekend. They will get to take turns trying to figure out the income taxes. With a little luck, they will get to take turns trying to figure out how to deal with a kid or two.

They are embarking on a life-long power struggle over the TV remote.

So kids, get out there and have fun with all the giggles and tears you're signing up for. And enjoy the adventure. You might think that it would be convenient to know up front how it's all going to turn out, but where's the fun in that?

The funny thing is, whenever I look at Shannon and Patrick and their new life, all I can think about is how much it feels like Nan and I are still just starting out ourselves. OK, so we've logged a lot of miles, and we've put a scratch or two on the fenders. The road has sometimes been pretty rough.

But I can swear that there are still times - like when I'm trying to work through out how I'm going to get a rewrite done on deadline, or pay for a new water softener - that I find myself looking over at her. And in those moments I can always still detect just a hint of that new-life smell.

Copyright © 2009, Michael Ball 

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