Samples - Close Encounters of the "Doh!" Kind

Close Encounters of the "Doh!" Kind
Running Into Your Boss at the Career Fair
First published in IT Recruitermag

Try this scenario on for size. You like your job, but you can’t help wondering if there might be something more. Besides, the rods on your side of the company Foosball table are bent, and you keep getting stuffed. You’ve decided it’s time to shop around.

So you’re strolling through the career fair. You’ve got a Digex tote bag full of Frisbees, cool pens, yo-yos and can coolers in your right hand, and a handful of resumes in your left hand. You’re wearing that "I’m so weird I’m brilliant, so you’d better hire me" look you’ve been practicing in the mirror. This is, after all, why you put in all the sweat to get that computer science degree. Well, that and the great campus-wide Quake game on the CS network. But career marketability was the biggest thing. Really.

And then it happens. Cutting across the carpet of the UUnet booth, craning your neck to see if the candy in the jar is worth a resume, you come face-to-face with...

Your Boss.

Now, at this point, you have several options. You could scream, hit the boss in the head with your tote bag, and run. But that might not be the very best way to go.

Here are a few more productive gambits to consider:

The James Bond: Convince your boss that you're there to cook up some deep-cover competitive espionage. Career fairs can actually be a pretty good place to get the lowdown on the competition. If your boss is a software engineer who spends much time at the keyboard, you might even be able to sell the concept that the whole spy thing was his idea. The James Bond works best if you happen to be wearing a tuxedo, if you’ve brought along your see-through sunglasses, or if you're prepared to shoot someone with your cigarette lighter.

The Soap Opera Amnesiac: Simply act as if you've fallen off a horse/motorcycle/veranda/mechanical bull, and you don't recognize your boss or know exactly where you are. If your boss seems to consider this all perfectly normal, you should probably be more serious about circulating those resumes.

The Workaholic Breakdown: This gambit is similar to the Soap Opera Amnesiac. Look dazed and say to your boss, "Thank God you’re here. I can’t find my desk. I left my workstation to get enough Mountain Dew and Snickers Bars to get me through that subroutine you wanted me to work on and I must have blacked out." This one is best if you really are a 24/7 worker, or if your boss has no real idea how many hours you actually spend in the office.

The Evil Twin: "Oh, you must think I'm Phil, my identical twin brother. Hahahahaha." Keep in mind, this trick won’t work if you're wearing a name badge.

The Company Zealot: Pretend you've been going around stealing resumes from the booths of your competitors to bring back to the boss. That could explain the stack of resumes in your hand, but not the fact that they're all printed on the same fuscia paper.

The Counter-Attack: Look hurt and ask the boss what he is doing at the career fair. This, coupled with the James Bond or the Company Zealot, might stand a chance of success. Of course, if the boss is at the career fair to work in your company's booth, you're guilty of a serious lack of planning, and you don't really deserve to be employed anyway.

Amy used a variation of the Counter Attack to turn this potential disaster to her advantage. Caught in the act of taking a combination demo CD/mint dispenser/baseball cap from a recruiter, she simply looked her boss in the eye and said, "I see you got tired of dodging phone calls from the recruiters, too." Within a week she got a raise, a promotion, and a new set of whiteboard markers (six vibrant colors) for her cubicle.

The Lost Trekkie: Throw your arms around your boss and say, "Boy, am I ever glad to see you here! This is the strangest Star Trek Convention I’ve ever seen! Do you have any idea where the Next Generation autograph booth is?" Techspert James actually wears Spock ears to career fairs just in case. Surprisingly enough, James really does have a job.

Now it might be argued that even going to a career fair is poor judgment in these difficult IT times. After all, there are software engineers sleeping in Dom Pérignon crates in Silicon Valley (Cuvée 1990, but still?), living on the domestic Brié at the homeless shelters, and typing up their new VC pitches on ancient pre-G3 Power Macs. Some experts predict that within the year we could even see Crouton Lines in San José. It might be advisable to think about company loyalty for a while, to look for advancement opportunities within your current company, or to get engaged to the chairman’s daughter (or son, whatever your fancy).

If you do feel the need to explore, think ahead. Don’t wear that "My boss is an a**hole" t-shirt you bought in Key West. Don’t pencil in "sux" after the name of your present employer on your resume. Try to avoid carrying an effigy of your boss with pins stuck in it, or smearing chicken blood in the aisle while chanting your boss’s name. Even if you don’t actually run into your boss, little faux pás like these can convey an unfavorable message to prospective employers.

And, whatever you do, have an emergency boss plan worked out before you go in. Carry props, accessories, makeup, emergency rations, a compass, survival gear, and weapons as required to make sure you’re prepared.

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